Well here it is Monday evening, sitting down to eat. Worked late and dinner had lots of prep.
I made my own tortilla shells for the first time. I need to get the griddle that I saw at my Mom's house, I think it will make cooking them easier.
I made veggie burritos tonight. Keith complained that he needs meat but alas I not only buy the food but I cook it as well...
I'm trying to change my diet to improve my health. Gotta cut back on the bacon cheeseburgers.
These burritos are a little warm, must get milk.
Gonna try and make it out to Mom's tomorrow to go through more stuff, between staying late at work and the meal prep I didn't have time today.
It's also hard to be out there without Mom.
I tell myself that Mom isn't really gone it will just be 30-40 years before I see her again.
It's weird.
I had a lyric from the Grateful Dead song Black Peter running through my head when Mom was in the hospital.
See here how everything
lead up to this day
and it's just like any other day
that's ever been
Sun going up
and then the
sun it goin down
Shine through my window and
my friends they come around
I miss heated discussions with Mom. It's so weird to think that she's not a 10 minute drive from me.
As I gather belongings of her in my house I'm reminded of her everywhere I look.
I feel like there's a hole or a vacuum where she use to be.
I hope she was ok with dying. We didn't talk about it but I'm sure that if I knew she knew.
When she came home to die it must have been so hard for her knowing that she wouldn't be there to make easter baskets for us or bake a cake on our birthdays.
I'm sorry that Mom's body let her down and though I don't understand why I know that she is happy and wants me to be happy aswell.
Then sings my soul my savior God to Thee
How Great Thou art
How great Thou art
That part of How Great Thou Art will always remind me of Mom.
When the song was sung at her funeral it was so weird to not hear her voice beside me and at the same time my mind seemed to fill it in.
That's enough heavy thinking for one evening. Wish I had a beer but alas...
